Jessie J Is Talented, Links
Kim Kardashian’s cleavage went to a Laker’s game [The Superficial]
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Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Career Gals
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County it was all about Gretchen Christine. She’s got a zillion careers. One of them, is unfortunately singing, which she can’t actually do, and another one is dating Slade Smiley, which is really just an unnecessary side-job she should quit.
Well, Gretchen Christine is quite the fair-weather friend isn’t she? So, she arrives at Alexis Bellino‘s latest rent-a-mcmansion and plops her Gretchen Christine handbag on the counter and starts doing the QVC descriptor hands over the intricately designed leatherette flower, while Lex oooohhhs and aaaahhhs. This is taking the Bravo Home Shopping Network a touch too far. Quick question: Anybody out there sporting one of those jalopies? Yeah, didn’t think so!
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Lex wants Gretch‘s opinion of her Fox5 segments. Lex, apparently, is a masochist, because really who can say anything about that bootastic botch job of an interview where she talked over everyone and shoved her cleavage in their faces. Gretchen sits down and basically says, ‘ awwwwwww…honey that’s so cute you got my sloppy seconds! Cause you know they, like, begged me to do that thing – and they’re still asking me! But I’m too busy being part of a world-renowned dance troupe and selling my clothes on eBay.’ Poor shocked Lex is like, ‘say what?’ and then Gretchen basically tells her she’s really bad at the job and it was unfortunate that she recommended Lex as a replacement. Which was basically the sub-text.
Oh, and Lex should consider, you know, a burka and a hosting coach. Oh, Alexis. She tries. But she’s just… so… well, really she’s just too nice. She tried to look cute and sassy but it was basically porny and desperate cougar. Gretchen is so rude and condescending. Anyway, Gretchen was totally right about Alexis’ TV outfit. It was really inappropriate, but her other comments were really hurtful.
Moving on, Heather Dubrow and her assistant are getting ready for Heather to go on an audition. In case you didn’t know, Heather is an actress. Why do these women all have assistants to take notes while the ladies stand around talking about how busy they are? Heather is going to try out for a new dramedy. While she loves being a mother and wife, she craves having something for herself and she feels unfulfilled. Isn’t that why she’s on this show? On the converse she’s just so busy with all her stuff, no one is getting her undivided attention.
Heather goes to the audition, feels it went well, and then she tells Terry Dubrow it shoots in Canada. He’s like… well… that’s great, but we have four kids – and live in California. They have a pretty normal husband/wife convo about supporting each other’s goals and trying to work things that are important to Heather into their lives. Terry is supportive and wants Heather to be happy. In the end, she seems like she’s sort of realizing it’s not a good idea, although she’s not ready to let go of the pipe dream. Terry decides if she gets the part he’ll show up in Canada holding signs. Heather says he can advertise, “Botox, eh!” and take his business international. haha
Moving along to decidedly less supportive hubbies, we drop in on the Bellinos! Alexis slinks in with a cool glass of lemonade and tells Jim she’s really serious about this Fox5 thing cause she wants to prove to Gretch that she can be successful. Alexis is thinking of getting a coach… Jim bristles. He’s, like, but you belong in the kitchen making me snacks and you have too many “careers.” Anyone else think his real issue is that Lex is eclipsing him as the breadwinner? While that trampolining thing sounds really lucrative and all, it’s Lex that is on a huge TV show and getting tons of endorsements.
They discuss Alexis sacrificing family time for Alexis Couture and newscastering, which she describes as part-time careers. I do think Jim has some good points and kudos for focusing on the long-term picture about how this will affect her family, and the snowball effect of her jobs becoming more and more involved. Although, Jim should be more supportive on the front end.
It’s interesting that Alexis and Heather have the same conundrum. They’re both juggling children, marriage, and career shifts. Alexis, who always thought she wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, now finds that she loves having a career and an identity outside the home. She’s not willing to give that up, no matter what King of her Heart, Jim says. And Heather, who had a satisfying career, now realizes she would probably rather just be a mother – although she’s having a hard time relinquishing her former glory. If you can call her acting career that.
So, Gretchen‘s doing this Pussycat Doll thing – don’t know if you’ve heard – and she’s inviting all the girls. Even *gasp* Vicki Gunvalson! She calls everyone while she’s rolling Slave‘s socks – that’s a change! – and Alexis proving that despite Gretchen’s slight towards her, she is a good friend and will be there with bells on – or a cross, but that’s a different story. We’ll get to it later. Tamra Barney pretends to be surprised by the last-minute invite and says she’ll come. And then tells Gretchen to stop folding socks until Slade gives her a ring… yeah funny thing about that – he probably can’t afford one! Ahem… Bravo!
Demonstrating that Bravo forced Gretch to invite her to Vegas, Vicki is packing. She admits the issues with Gretchen are the elephant in the room, but she wants to pretend the elephant doesn’t exist right now.
Alexis and Slave arrive in Vegas. The suite is amazing and Gretchen muses, “Is this what it feels like to be a star?” Um… yes – but first she must focus on the stardom instrument – her sexiness. Oh, wait I mean her voice! She heads to rehearsal and hmmm… Well, first of all I would assume when one is part of a so-called World Renowned Dance Troupe, they would be actually dancing in said performance. But no, there’s none of that! Just singing. Well, barely.
The choreographer is ready to explode and he’s seriously scared as he lectures Gretchen about how she’s representing the PCD brand and she cannot sing a note. That’s the real elephant in the room! And hips, hips, hips, Beyoncé, move shake – do anything to distract them from the fact that you can’t sing!
Ok, couple things: 1) This is first official rehearsal? Isn’t this a pretty big performance to have never actually rehearsed or is Gretchen just a major slacker? 2) She says she never sings into a mic cause she basically just sings in the car – hasn’t she released a couple singles? Wouldn’t that involve a microphone? 3) Slave is the only person that thinks Gretchen has star power. The rest of think she has train wreckitude. Which is an entirely different thing.
Vicki, Tamra, Heather, and their respective menfolk are driving up to Vegas in a Escalade limo. Apparently, everyone in OC must own an Escalade. Aren’t those like so 2002? Somehow, the topic comes up about Alexis and Jim‘s interesting finances. Tamra is quite confident the reason for their ever-changing cars, just like the reason for their ever-changing address, is that they can’t pay for what they have. Heather is extremely bothered by Alexis’ phoniness.
Talk turns to Gretchen‘s upcoming performance. Heather is worried for her – Vicki is too, given that Gretchen cannot sing. Tamra is drinking the Gretchen kool-aid as she eagerly blames Vicki and the Bunco night yelling for Gretchen’s vocal issues. Yeah to the right! Tammy Sue provides us with an illustrative hand puppet show of how Gretchen injured her vocal chords. Apparently, one of these ladies is lacking a vagina – no word on whom.
Tamra is disappointed that Vicki is on this trip cause she doesn’t even really like Gretchen, but Vicki wants to make amends, which is why she came. I’m sure the free Bravo vacay had nothing to do with – nor the contractual obligation.
Vicki is rightfully confused about this latest Gretchen career. I mean, she does make-up, and hair stuff, and hand bag distribution, tube sock wearing, and Slave-sitting, and famewhoring, and on and on… she’s sort of like a jackass of all trades. Remember when she was just a gold digger?
They meet up with Gretchen to wish her luck. Vicki is very nice and supportive, and this makes Gretch nervous. This is the Twilight Zone. It really is. Vicki’s new approach is killem’ with kindness. Brooks Ayers‘ southern outlook is wearing off on her. Vicki even wishes Slave a happy birthday – with a Woo Hoo!
At the hotel, Alexis has a make-up artist getting her ready for Gretchen‘s big debut. Whoa… so, hmm.. you know, I’m not even sure what to say about that make-up! It was like mud smeared on her face and sixty different stripes of grey all over her eyes! I mean, maybe if Alexis was going as a dead Barbie for Halloween or something.
That was the best scene of the night. Lex and Jim rushing around whispering about how to get rid of the horrible make-up artist. Jim was totally freaking out and at least Alexis had fun with it! She did look horrible, though. Maybe Jesus was trying to remind Alexis that vanity is a sin…
At dinner, Brooks embarrasses himself and Vicki by telling more people who don’t know him, about this affirmation crap. He’s like one of those TV preachers when he talks about it – it’s a little creepy. Even Jim (who had a chinplant according to Tamra) is sort of revolted by the daily love peptalks. Can’t you just, you know, say I love you without all the fluff and sparkles and mumbo jumbo? Tamra still believes Brooks is full of ish and trying to woo himself right into Vicki’s wallet, but ol’ Vicki G doesn’t care. Her tanks (all of them) are full. She’s totally driving the Escalade of love tanks.
Then the girls talk S-P-E-R-M. Apparently IVF is as common as boob jobs in the OC. Alexis takes a very involved approach to the donation process and was more than willing to lend Jim a hand – literally – where that was concerned. I don’t know which was grosser: Brooks‘ affirmation crap or ugh – I can’t even write that…
At the Pussycat Doll Performance, Robin Anton and the crew try to tone down Gretch‘s super OC look and shove her out on stage, hoping no one will demand a refund. Slave thinks Gretchen’s joining the big leagues with Christina, Pink, and Britney. Ok…
At the last-minute, Alexis rushes backstage to pray with Gretchen before she takes the stage. Apparently, God shows up everywhere – even in places of sin and Gretchen needs his support more than ever if she wants him to forgive her public gyrating and bustier wearing. Seriously though, that was really sweet of Alexis. Danggit! Why am I starting to like her?!
Did anyone watch WWHL with former Housewife Lauri Waring Peterson last night? She looks exactly the same and seems very happy. Her comments about Slade were veeerrry interesting, no?
Next Week: Gretchen performs. And Vicki gets some news from Briana!
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? WAS GRETCHEN TRYING TO HURT ALEXIS’ FEELINGS WITH THE FOX FIVE THING? WILL VICKI AND GRETCHEN MAKE AMENDS?
Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap: Don’t Quit Your Day Job
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was kinda boring, no? Alexis and Briana got surgery. Tamra discovered Simon is finally ready to let her be the free bitch she was meant to be – but she’s not sure she’s ready to live a life unfettered. Tamra and Vicki join Heather in LA where she is embarking upon a restaurant venture.
Things started out with Tamra paying a visit to her plastic surgeon, Dr. Ambae. Has anyone else noticed the Housewives always hug their doctors – who hugs their doctors? I’ve never hugged any of mine, but I guess if I were as reliant on my plastic surgeons as they are, it may be a different story. OR if my doctor was Paul, because I love him.
Anyway, Tamra wants to get her breasts reduced. Now that she is no longer beholden to Simon and his ideals about her body, she wants a smaller, less cumbersome rack. We get a close-up montage of Tamra’s old DDs and frankly, who wants to see a close up of wrinkled, spray-tanned cleavage? Dr. Ambae examines Tamra’s boobs and determines she has a lot of natural breast tissue so she can likely get the reduction done without adding smaller implants to fill things out. Tamra explains that those babies never stop growing! Third boobs, third marriage!
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Good lord, this episode was filled with gross images wasn’t it? Next, we get to Alexis on the operating table getting her nose job/sinus surgery. Alexis is still hurt her nemesis thinks she is doing this as purely elective surgery. Dr. Niccole pulls out a ten-foot long mucus plug, just in case there were lingering doubts that Alexis has sinus issues; then he breaks her nose. Frankly, I couldn’t really watch because medical stuff makes me ill. This report comes from my husband who was my eyes for this segment!
Afterwards, Alexis has some ice filled latex gloves on her face and Jim comes to help her home. He’s actually very sweet; nursing her in their bed and feeding her soup. I loved Lex’s permanent lipliner. Alexis reminds us that Jim is her king and he treats her accordingly as his queen. Which is nice, but in exchange she has to put up with Jim and do all his hard-boiled egg making. Jim replaces the peas Alexis has resting on her nose and they discuss how to tell the kids that mommy has turned into a momster with dinner on her face. Maybe they won’ t notice!
Vicki meets Michael at the hospital where Briana is recuperating after surgery. Apparently, the doctor said it was the worst thyroid he has ever seen with too many nodules to count. Yikes! He prepares them for the worst, that it may be cancer given the sheer mass. There was a tumor on Briana’s vocal chords. Good lord – that’s horrible! Vicki is a mess, but really she has every right to be in this instance. I would be hysterical.
At Heather‘s house, she is “cooking” dinner, aka unwrapping take-out boxes because Heather doesn’t really cook; she reheats. Heather reminds us that she used to be an actress, but now she has four children under seven and is going to open a restaurant with her girlfriends, because she needs something to do part-time. She claims it’s because there are no good restaurants in the OC, but we all know she’s bored and Terry is willing to placate her. Apparently, he doesn’t care about losing a million dollars!
Heather admits that being a mother is harder than working. Can we just talk about how adorable Colette is?! Her little chubby baby legs in a onesie! Awwww!!! Apparently, Heather will be successful as a restaurateur because she cooks “great reservations.” hehe
Gretchen and Slave are paying a visit to the Pussycat Dolls, a “world renown dance troupe” Gretchen will be performing with them. Gretchen is understandably worried that she’s not up to snuff since she can’t really sing and she hasn’t danced since high school. Luckily, she at least has great legs and is in shape – oh, and she has “stage presence,” according to Slave. Oh my…
Gretchen gets off on the wrong foot by having the audacity and hubris to rock a “Team Slade” shirt. Why would you wear that in public? quel embarrassant!
They watch the girls perform and poor Gretch is practically pooping her pants with worry that she won’t be able to pick up the performance in time. Gretchen doesn’t want to start practicing too soon because she has strained her vocal chords yelling at Vicki. HA! She’s going to make it work though, because she was born to perform. Good lord. Please retire her.
Heather decides to reach out to her new friend Tamra and invite her to take a helicopter ride to LA to scope out restaurant venues or something. Also invited, is Vicki. Sheesh – a helicopter. What is this, The Bachelor? Tamra is shocked to be invited into Fancy Pants world. Um… be wary of mixing oil and water, Heather! The only reason to invite Vicki and Tamra is to get Bravo to film it for publicity for your upcoming venture.
Briana comes home from the hospital with Vicki by her side. Vicki nags Briana until she would say yes to anything. The CIA should adopt Vicki as a terrorist interrogator. I cannot imagine anything worse than her hovering over you while you were sick asking you a million questions and organizing. She is hurt Briana wanted to recover at her own apartment instead of at home, but do you blame her?! Just leave the protein drink and tell Briana to call you when she wakes up! Although, of course, Vicki adores her daughter and is totally concerned for her well-being, she is a little over the top.
Tamra, Heather, and Vicki meet at the heliport. Everyone looks pretty and the Tamicki have made an attempt to class it up and ditch their tacky veneer. They all board the helicopter and fall in love. Vicki is already plotting how much she needs to work, work, work to afford one of these babies. A private jet is so last year!
They meet Heather‘s two good girlfriends (whom I really can’t tell apart) whom will also be her business partners in the restaurant venture. Tamra is way out of her element and you can tell is nervous and feels awkward. It was kinda sweet. Heather’s friend tells the story of how her kids think everyone flies by private chopper. I’m with Tamra – shut the EFF up. Heather will be going into business with six friends and no written agreement. Um… really? I find it hard to believe that their successful husbands would let that happen!
Alexis checks in with Dr. Niccole, looking like Michael Jackson. Who is styling her extensions while she recovers? Alexis admits she is hurt that Gretchen hasn’t visited her post surgery and hasn’t checked in. She believes prior to the Tamra-invasion (Tamvasion?), Gretchen would have been by her side night and day! Dr. Niccole discusses the results of the nose job and claims it won’t look like she had a nose job – which is a relief to newscaster Alexis. Her viewers depend on her and she can’t drastically alter her looks!
Vicki has been invited to attend Heather‘s restaurant scope-out for her business savvy, and true to form, she instantly starts advising and bossing. She calls it correctly that friends and business don’t mix and she suggests that these close and normal friends back away from the insanity and go do more philanthropy instead. Interesting as Tamra and Vicki are now in business together. So either they are no longer friends or Vicki had a change of heart! Heather and her friends do seem genuine and they genuinely believe their friendship won’t suffer if their business experiences problems.
They visit a friend of Heather‘s at his restaurant and really, this is so dumb. They seem to have no real clue what they’re doing, and Vicki is right, they are bored housewives looking for an escape from reality. They have no business plan or no idea? This has got to be a fabricated storyline to give Heather some interest. I mean, have these people ever even eaten in a restaurant? If they want a new fancy accessory – buy a new Chanel bag!
Over lunch, Vicki continues her crusade to warn Heather et al against the evils of entrepreneurship. While, Heather and friends feel it will be very glamorous to have their own establishment they are clearly clueless about the amount of work required! Heather is a little put out by Vicki’s negativity (or realism depending on how you look at it). Vicki should have kept her comments to herself a little more and just enjoyed her free and fabulous lunch.
Vicki perks up when Brooks calls and immediately rushes from the table to coo at him. Gross. She warns him that his lady’s tank is running dry and he best hurry back to fill it. Good thing she left the table or some glamorous ladies may have lost their lunches! Tamra comments that Vicki is obsessed with Brooks and is at his beck and call.
Tamra explains Vicki is under a lot of pressure with the divorce and Briana‘s health problems and everyone is empathetic, since they are real people with normal reactions. It’s interesting to see Tamra acting so subdued and classy. Let’s keep up the good work Trashy Sue, and then I can stop calling you Trashy Sue! She claims her change of demeanor is a result of being around genuine, honest, women who don’t backstab! Imagine that! The normal Tamra peeks out a bit when she makes a comment about sex.
On the break, Gretchen lights her cheap extensions and fried hair on fire on a Halloween candle while sitting on her counter. Ok, that was funny. No real follicles were damaged in the taping of this episode.
When Vicki returns to the table she is in a totally different, ebullient mood, and suddenly everything is roses. Vicki and Tamra depart from the group and hop into a limo to be whisked away to the helicopter port. In the car, the girls talk the difference between the Housewives and a real group of friends. The ladies cannot get over how normal people treat each other – apparently they’ve been in the reality TV bubble too long.
That turns into a discussion about Slave and Gretchen. Vicki is still in shock over the fight and has found that Briana‘s health issues have given her a new perspective, so she will not be engaging in petty nonsense anymore. Well, we know that new philosophy didn’t stick!
Tamra discovers Simon has finally signed the divorce papers and she will be signing hers the following week. Tamra is suddenly shell-shocked that she will be divorced. She reflects on her marriage and the journey she took with Simon. It was a long fifteen-years; a mere three of them played out on television with lavish parties and ridiculous fabricated drama.
Tamra admits she is a little sad to walk away because she feels like a failure as a mother for getting a divorce. Poor Tammy Sue. Luckily she has Eddie now!
Next Week: Alexis threatens to call Tamra and her nose job is revealed. The ladies mud wrestle and do some kind of crazy relay, Tamra signs her divorce papers, and Briana gets the results of her biopsy.
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? IS HEATHER’S RESTAURANT VENTURE LEGIT OR A STORYLINE?
Lindsay Lohan gets her breasts out again
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t seem to be able to get through a week without lobbing her ample, if rather saggy, cleavage out for a photo or two.
This time she has been whapping them out for Terry Richardson, a man who has snapped a fair few tits in his time. A perfect match then.
Lohan was being snapped for a Love magazine shoot, appearing in a number of poses that seemed to revolve purely around the troubled star’s favourite pastimes of smoking and exposing herself to anyone willing to have a gander. As if there is anyone who hasn’t seen them.
Not only that, but Richardson also posted a number of outtakes on his weblog.
Well, I’m sure it will keep someone happy.
Christina Aguilera Is An Inconvenience
Unlike Adele, whose talent negates her need to show off cleavage and never made being a pinup part of her career, Christina Aguilera is insecure about her weight, and it’s pissing everyone at The…
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